Please excuse the runner's high....

I recently finished Haruki Murakami's memoir What I Talk About When I Talk About Running. One of my favorite parts of the book was in his foreword where he quoted a fellow runner's mantra: Pain is inevitable. Suffering optional.

Murakami is a man who has lived his life one step in front of the other. After graduating college he became a self-starting entrepreneur that started a successful bar somewhere near Osaka and then later decided to completely drop everything and switch to being a full-time novelist during a moment of clarity while sitting in the lawn section at a local baseball game. He never had any formal training of any kind, but continued to persue his passions until they were fulfilled. He also happened to run at least one marathon a year during the whole transition from business owner to successful, world renowned author.

... so how does this relate to the big picture? Or rather, this blog? Well, it all started with the throwing around of an idea four or five months ago. I was working an event for Sports Basement when the women working with me told me about the Mermaid Triathlon later in the year. I had heard about the race previously, and intended on doing it numerous times, but I never really got around to actually doing it when the time came. That is until today.

Finishing today was really not about the actual race. In my eyes, I showed myself that I could really do whatever it is I plan on doing-- as long as I actually commit my time in a meaningful way. Murakami's mantra is very much applicable to both endurance sports and life in general. As humans we face many challenges. We must all live our lives and experience the bitter sting of pain and rejection... but the suffering can be optional. How long we decide to let feelings linger or consume our thoughts is our choice. The thing about most hurtful experiences in life is that we always learn a lesson. If one chooses to vie for a quick turnaround from a learning experience, great strides will be made. At a time when I see many of my friends in similar cirtumstances as myself, where everything is made up of uncertain promises and untapped potential, it's easy to see why so many of us feel lost in the mix. We stay at jobs for security or continued independence, and we also leave jobs to find more promising avenues for the future... either way, it's all up in the air. The end goal is in sight but still not 100% clear. Even though I am unable to tangibly construct an idea of what I would constitute as an ideal life situation at this moment, I think the biggest goal I am working to accomplish is loving what I do- every single day.

Today, I feel like I've gained some great perception on things I can turn around and improve on in my daily activities. I don't know if it's the runner's high or what, but I feel good. The world is our oyster, and I'm pulling up to the cold bar.

Currently listening to: Daylight by Matt and Kim

Currently Reading: Merle's Door

You Don't Form in the Wet Sand

Tonight, en route to navigating my itunes towards a song about Wooden Ships sailing upon the water free and easy, I discovered a track I never knew existed in my library- Wet Sand by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. This is the type of song that strikes me because of my personal history with the band and the circumstances that lead me to discover it by doing a quick search of song titles on a loved one's iPod. I had heard the song before, and recognized it once it came on, but for some reason the title (and why I chose it) stuck with me.

Wet sand is something that has been a very commonplace element in my life growing up. No matter what my reasons for visiting the beach were, I would always find myself drawn to the shoreline to revel in the wet sand. I loved the way it felt beneath my toes. I distinctly remember key times in life by how I chose to spend my time there, where the ocean meets the sand. At my youngest stage all I thought about was digging holes and catching crabs in the holes I had dug with my hands and feet.  That soon lead to fantastic creations of intricate labryinthian pattersn carving their way through the semi-solid sad, just out of harms why from the breaking waves. When I got older I would dig my feet in as far as I possibly could and try to escape before being sucked in to the remarkably quicksandy mixture. As I began to reach my more formative years, I would find myself choosing to use this area as a palette... My preference is when the sand is hard enough to run through with shoes without creating a big mess, but you still have the ability to draw temporary lines and figures with your toes in it, if you so choose. this consistency creates a perfect medium for all intentions in that instant. I am able to draw thick, undeterred lines through the sand and if I ever make a mistake or am not pleased with what I have created, all it takes is a quick dash to another end of the beach to discover more untouched sand or the help of a small wave passing through. No mistakes are ever permanent.

I guess I can see why they say that it is hard for one to form themselves amidst the wet sand. It's a good jumping off point for brainstorming and getting ideas out into the open- but it is never permanent. In order to create any sense of permanence or concrete action, you must take some of what you find in wet sand and bring it over to the dry stuff to create a more solid foundation.

At this moment, I am not quite sure if I am ready to take my leave from this part of the beach just yet. But then again, there is nothing to fear as I will always come back. In any case, I am proud of the fact that I am the type of person that will always crave for those walks along the ocean's roar for guidance and clarity even when the ground beneath me is solid. As far as I'm concerned, formation is just the half of it. 

Background Music: (obvi) Wet Sand - RHCP

Time is in the Eye of the Beholder

Growing up I was always told that 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.' Now that I feel like I've had enough life experience, I feel that this saying can be applied to anything really because when it comes down to it, perception is everything. Lately I have found myself stuck in ruts where it seems like I never have enough time to get things done. I have too much to do and not enough time. Well, I've decided to turn a new leaf. 

I realize that time, in and of itself, is something that is uncontrollable. It passes no matter what you do within it's confines. It is what you decide to do with it, how you decided to proportion it, and how you view it, that really creates the strain. If I could take the minutes that I have spent grumbling and ranting about how little time I have to do everything on my To Do lists, I would have had everything done by now and then some. This weekend, I finally took some initiative to take some time for myself to do things I have wanted to do for a long time. But I am tired of having productive days every so often and that's it. I want my LIFE to be productive and to rid myself of these artificial barriers I have created within myself. So from now on, I shall take a more proactive approach to everyday living- and I encourage you to do the same. Maybe now that I've written this down in the public eye, I will be held  more accountable. More blogs to come soon!

Background music: none... just the wind rustling the leaves outside my window.

Whats Love Got To Do With It?

Everything is my answer. This past weekend has really made me reflect on why Valentine's Day has morphed into an exclusive holiday when we could all have it as a celebration of something that we all share as humans. It also made me wonder why Love Actually is more of a Christmas movie to me rather then something to watch on Feb. 14th. It's not just a holiday to be shared and reaped by lovers. It can be shared by everyone if we choose to accept it as a celebration of love in the greatest sense. Rumi once said, "let the beauty of love be what you do." To me, that is the type of love that should be embraced and honored on Valentine's day because it is all encompassing. It means that love is present everywhere in any which way it decides to find its way in to your life. If we chose to live our lives with the cognizant goal of engaging love in as many aspects of our daily life as possible- think of the possibilities. 

Since it is still early on in the year, I want to take this time to share one of my goals for this year which is to live life with purpose, but not a purpose-driven life. I say this with the utmost intention of focusing on my dreams and lifelong aspirations, but I want to also be sure to enjoy the present. The future is very important to me but I also want to build the ultimate path to get to my destination and I'm not the type of person that likes to take the shortest path necessary. I want to make headway and enjoy the views on the way up.

In the spirit of Valentine's Day I have decided to craft a list of the things I have felt most grateful for this past weekend. And yes, I am well aware that it is not Thanksgiving. Each of the items of this list represents a level of love that I encounter on an every day basis.

- Having a wonderful family that is supportive and loving through it all, even when they seem to have a hard time expressing it. I know that deep down inside good intentions are abound and I just need to learn how to live my life accordingly. 

- Having a very special person in my life that epitomizes the essence of love, close to my heart at all times.

- Friends that I know I can always count on and enjoy just being myself around. I love you guys!

- the rain and how it can be such a calming influence and a great addition to a lazy weekend at home

- to the future and what passions at play can lead to

- Being alive

Background Music: One More Chance - Will.i.am

Shake what your momma gave you.

My normal interpretation of this phrase (aka my usual Hip-Hop Head state) is that of people dancing and moving around with the body you were given by grace of your parental gene pool. Nights out with friends dancing my ass off at the Cardiff or any place we happen to roll into after one of our elongated pre-party sessions. But tonight it's more like a wish for strength to shake off things that have been said by my mom. I feel as if every time I reach a moment where I feel happy and excited for the future, if she disagrees with it, she has no choice but to tear me down. It's like she finds the one way to take the wind out of my sails right as I am leaving the safety of her harbor. I have experienced this many times in my life and I'm surprised I haven't found a better coping mechanism at this point. I know that when she has those moments it is up to my mood at the time to be able to either handle it or let it get to me. Last night she caught me completely off guard. I wonder if she knows the effect her words have? The worst part is, I usually get irked by the things she says because there is always truth buried in what she says. In this case it's hard for me to distinguish the truth from the rest of the things she told me. That's probably what makes me the most uncomfortable with this particular instance. I heard what she had to say and I wasn't able to pick out the truths from the rest of the anger/concern she displayed. Not because I haven't seen or thought of them myself, but more of a self-realization that she is right and I have been overlooking them. 

Background music: Here I Dreamt I was an Architect - The Decemberists

One Step Forward, a Few Looks Back....

Sometimes it is really hard for me to internalize all the growth that I have experienced the past few years. I am not really sure that there is a specific moment where it all began to feel real- all I know is that the past three years have proven to be markedly different. Since when does a calendar year encompass a transition into adulthood, a steady job that allows me to live on my own means, and the notion that the decisions I make on a daily basis will affect the rest of my life in big ways? I guess you could say that every year does this, and that each year is a notch closer to attaining the final goal of a well crafted life- but I don't think I've ever been able to take this approach when examining how I will execute key moments that will undoubtedly shape my life.

So much has happened in the past month alone. I have returned from a trip where I met all of my distant relatives that are actually much closer to my heart than I could have ever hoped for, I turned 23 and I have been having the most intense feelings of ambition and foresight I have ever experienced. Alas, despite the progress, I can still see how I have digressed into my old habits from the past. It seems like no matter how far I've come, there is no forgetting where and why I have become the person I am.

My family is such a driving force behind my greatest achievements and deepest emotional crevices I seem to find myself caught in at distinct periods in my life. The one singular thing I am sure of in regards to where I see myself in the future is that I want my family to love and be genuinely proud of what I have become and how they have helped me get there. Sometimes this is a great driver for perseverance- but it can also act as a double-edged sword. There have been many instances where I have witnessed their happiness taking a toll on my own self worth. How much is too much (as far as executing on the advice that I am given)? Where do I draw the line between decisions I have to make on my own versus collaborative? How do I know that I am making the right decision for me if I hold everything that I am told by my family in such high regard? These types of questions constantly plague me when I get into the thought process of working my way to the ideal life I would like to see myself living. I guess it will take a few more formative years before these questions are answered, if ever... But in the meantime I will continue to strive towards Love- the single thread I can rely on to unify all of the various components of a well lived life.

Background Music: Those to Come - The Shins