Whats Love Got To Do With It?

Everything is my answer. This past weekend has really made me reflect on why Valentine's Day has morphed into an exclusive holiday when we could all have it as a celebration of something that we all share as humans. It also made me wonder why Love Actually is more of a Christmas movie to me rather then something to watch on Feb. 14th. It's not just a holiday to be shared and reaped by lovers. It can be shared by everyone if we choose to accept it as a celebration of love in the greatest sense. Rumi once said, "let the beauty of love be what you do." To me, that is the type of love that should be embraced and honored on Valentine's day because it is all encompassing. It means that love is present everywhere in any which way it decides to find its way in to your life. If we chose to live our lives with the cognizant goal of engaging love in as many aspects of our daily life as possible- think of the possibilities. 

Since it is still early on in the year, I want to take this time to share one of my goals for this year which is to live life with purpose, but not a purpose-driven life. I say this with the utmost intention of focusing on my dreams and lifelong aspirations, but I want to also be sure to enjoy the present. The future is very important to me but I also want to build the ultimate path to get to my destination and I'm not the type of person that likes to take the shortest path necessary. I want to make headway and enjoy the views on the way up.

In the spirit of Valentine's Day I have decided to craft a list of the things I have felt most grateful for this past weekend. And yes, I am well aware that it is not Thanksgiving. Each of the items of this list represents a level of love that I encounter on an every day basis.

- Having a wonderful family that is supportive and loving through it all, even when they seem to have a hard time expressing it. I know that deep down inside good intentions are abound and I just need to learn how to live my life accordingly. 

- Having a very special person in my life that epitomizes the essence of love, close to my heart at all times.

- Friends that I know I can always count on and enjoy just being myself around. I love you guys!

- the rain and how it can be such a calming influence and a great addition to a lazy weekend at home

- to the future and what passions at play can lead to

- Being alive

Background Music: One More Chance - Will.i.am

Shake what your momma gave you.

My normal interpretation of this phrase (aka my usual Hip-Hop Head state) is that of people dancing and moving around with the body you were given by grace of your parental gene pool. Nights out with friends dancing my ass off at the Cardiff or any place we happen to roll into after one of our elongated pre-party sessions. But tonight it's more like a wish for strength to shake off things that have been said by my mom. I feel as if every time I reach a moment where I feel happy and excited for the future, if she disagrees with it, she has no choice but to tear me down. It's like she finds the one way to take the wind out of my sails right as I am leaving the safety of her harbor. I have experienced this many times in my life and I'm surprised I haven't found a better coping mechanism at this point. I know that when she has those moments it is up to my mood at the time to be able to either handle it or let it get to me. Last night she caught me completely off guard. I wonder if she knows the effect her words have? The worst part is, I usually get irked by the things she says because there is always truth buried in what she says. In this case it's hard for me to distinguish the truth from the rest of the things she told me. That's probably what makes me the most uncomfortable with this particular instance. I heard what she had to say and I wasn't able to pick out the truths from the rest of the anger/concern she displayed. Not because I haven't seen or thought of them myself, but more of a self-realization that she is right and I have been overlooking them. 

Background music: Here I Dreamt I was an Architect - The Decemberists

One Step Forward, a Few Looks Back....

Sometimes it is really hard for me to internalize all the growth that I have experienced the past few years. I am not really sure that there is a specific moment where it all began to feel real- all I know is that the past three years have proven to be markedly different. Since when does a calendar year encompass a transition into adulthood, a steady job that allows me to live on my own means, and the notion that the decisions I make on a daily basis will affect the rest of my life in big ways? I guess you could say that every year does this, and that each year is a notch closer to attaining the final goal of a well crafted life- but I don't think I've ever been able to take this approach when examining how I will execute key moments that will undoubtedly shape my life.

So much has happened in the past month alone. I have returned from a trip where I met all of my distant relatives that are actually much closer to my heart than I could have ever hoped for, I turned 23 and I have been having the most intense feelings of ambition and foresight I have ever experienced. Alas, despite the progress, I can still see how I have digressed into my old habits from the past. It seems like no matter how far I've come, there is no forgetting where and why I have become the person I am.

My family is such a driving force behind my greatest achievements and deepest emotional crevices I seem to find myself caught in at distinct periods in my life. The one singular thing I am sure of in regards to where I see myself in the future is that I want my family to love and be genuinely proud of what I have become and how they have helped me get there. Sometimes this is a great driver for perseverance- but it can also act as a double-edged sword. There have been many instances where I have witnessed their happiness taking a toll on my own self worth. How much is too much (as far as executing on the advice that I am given)? Where do I draw the line between decisions I have to make on my own versus collaborative? How do I know that I am making the right decision for me if I hold everything that I am told by my family in such high regard? These types of questions constantly plague me when I get into the thought process of working my way to the ideal life I would like to see myself living. I guess it will take a few more formative years before these questions are answered, if ever... But in the meantime I will continue to strive towards Love- the single thread I can rely on to unify all of the various components of a well lived life.

Background Music: Those to Come - The Shins